Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and it really is a double edged sword. I love the fact that the kids and hubby will be spoiling me and I get to spoil my mum too, but then there is the other part of me. The part that gets upset thinking that it may be the last one and next year the kids wont have a mummy to buy flowers for. I also think about all those mummies that are not with us any more and have left small children behind or parents that have sadly lost a child.
Yesterday I had an invitation to go to my 5 year olds class for a Mother’s Day treat. We all went into the school hall and they sung us a couple of songs and then went to do some craft activities together. I was sat there looking at him and trying not to cry. I couldn’t just sit there and enjoy it, I was constantly thinking ‘what will he do if I’m not here next year?’ and ‘ I hope the teachers will look after him if that happens’.
I wish I could just enjoy the moment but I cant and I think this is going to happen at every significant event that crops up, it’s just what happens when you are faced with your own mortality.
In other news….
I’ve had my blood test all ready for my CT scan in a few weeks….arghhhhh!! I’m now shitting myself even more now. Every single day I take some time to try and think if I have any new pains and could it be sinister. I don’t have headaches or a cough though…..that’s got to be promising hasn’t it?! F**k me it’s exhausting!
Oh and I got my bucket list tattoo done……..it’s so shit I cried……..it’s getting re-done on Monday! Will update you all once I’m happy with it!