What to do now?

Even though we had some proper shite news just before we managed to have a wonderful family time over the festive period. I cooked for everyone on Christmas Day and then headed over to more family for another fun packed day. The kids had such an amazing time, probably had to do with the fact that I went a bit overboard with presents! It felt so special and emotional watching them put goodies out for Santa and opening their stockings in the morning. Everything like that is always tinged slightly with the nagging thought ‘what if this is the last one’. It will never go away, hopefully it’ll start to fade soon!

Seeing in the new year is always emotional but the last couple have been tough. I’m happy that I’m seeing in yet another year but I’m also sad thinking about what we’ve been through and if we’ll be seeing in the next year together. It fucking sucks that I can’t just enjoy the bloody moment!

xmas2

So that now seems like an age ago and everything has gone back to normal. Hubby is at work and kids are back at school/preschool and that also means clinics are back up and running at the hospital. I had a meeting with my oncologist yesterday and it really was an up and down day. First we discussed the possibility of more radiotherapy where the lymph node was removed, I said I was pretty sure I hadn’t had it up as high last time. Turns out I was wrong. He phoned me today to say my first lots of rads did actually cover that area so I wouldn’t be able have them again. This really put a downer on my mood. I was really hoping that I would be able to do something treatment wise to mop up any stray cancer cells. I feel a bit uneasy just having the node removed and carrying on with life, but I trust my oncologist and I’m going to try and live without thinking ‘what if’. I will be having a CT scan in 3 months time to check everything is still as it should be. So got a lot to cram in to that time!

I am going to research into alternative methods though, think I would feel better if I knew I was doing something to maybe help even if it’s just cut down on sugar or take a supplement of some kind. Gotta be worth a shot right?!

I am also going to be booking a weekend in New York with Dave for next month. We need a bit of time together and I’ve always wanted to visit the city. So if you know of any good places to stay or go, please do let me know! I’ll also be working on a new ‘fuck it’ list to give me something to focus on…..always happy to hear suggestions for this too!

K xx

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