I hate waiting

You’ve probably been wondering about results and shit.Well here you go 🙂

So on Friday 9th September I had the CT scan and then thankfully I had the weekend to relax knowing that I couldn’t get any results.

My breast care nurse said as soon as the results were in she would arrange an appointment in clinic. Monday comes and I start getting anxious, every time my phone rings I have a mini heart attack! It was Tuesday afternoon when a call came, ‘Hi it’s Ruth’……those three words seem like an eternity to hear. ‘Your scan was clear’. Bloody hell, amazing news! I really have to give it to Frimley Park Hospital they don’t hang about getting scan results. ‘But there was a tiny lymph node that showed up on the scan, they aren’t too worried but you need to go in and have an ultrasound’. Ah Fuck it!

The ultrasound was last Friday and as soon as I stepped into the waiting room all the shitty memories from when I went for my first ultrasound in 2014 came flooding back. Waiting with all the other people trying to guess what they were having scanned. Were the women there to get a boob lump checked out, if so my heart sank for them and hoped it would be good news for them. I got called in and instantly thought I was going to throw up but I had to compose myself in front of the waiting patients. It’s seriously hard going somewhere that you have only ever had bad things happen.

It was the same lady that did my ultrasound when looking at my recurrence, that instantly made me cry and just want to turn around and leave. She went looking for this tiny node and I was lying there hoping that she couldn’t find it because it had gone away. Lymph nodes get raised for all sorts of reasons, main one being that your body is fighting off an infection/cold etc. But no she found the fucker! Then I was hoping that she would say ‘don’t worry, I can see from the screen it’s not cancer’. Nope, that didn’t happen either. Biopsy it is then! FUCKKKKKK!!!!! This is when I totally broke down crying and sobbing, I could not stop. Think I scared the ultrasound lady as she asked if I wanted her to go get Ruth (my BCN)….Yep please do! I could see Dave sat next to me really trying not to cry too, god I put him through so much shit. I calmed down a bit and she went ahead and did the biopsy. Because the lymph node was quite deep she had to put loads of local anaesthetic in but it still bloody hurt!

I had told Ruth that she had to phone me with the news be it good or bad as I just cannot face going into clinic and sit and wait for your name to be called to go into the room of doom. It’s just awful, they are normally running really late and you always sit there trying to second guess the nurses expressions. ‘Oh god, she’s looking at me and smiling sympathetically, she must know I’m getting bad news’…….’oh they look like my notes being taken in, why are they taking so long calling me in, it must be bad news’. I pace around the waiting room trying not to cry, probably making all the other patients anxious just looking at me! My nurse is so fab though and she agrees to phone me whatever the results, I love her a lot!

I was thinking that perhaps I would get them Tuesday as that’s when I got my scan results….nope, nothing. Then actually they said they’ll be back by Wednesday so should be today….nope nothing! I ring Ruth to chase them up, I went to dial about 5 times but was too scared too. Eventually I phoned. Results weren’t in yet, they go to Guildford to get tested so takes longer. Bloody hell, nothing like keeping the torture going!! I had pretty much decided it was going to be bad news anyway, but because the rest of the scan was clear I was pretty relaxed, I’m sure the cancer could just be taken out.

The call finally came on Friday afternoon at 12.20pm…..yep today!

There were no cancer cells in the sample they took!! GET IN!!

Fucking hell what a relief. There is a possibility that because it was so tiny they may not have got a proper sample but for now its good news and my oncologist isn’t too worried. He’s sending me for another PET scan in 6-8 weeks to check on it and see if it’s changed at all. Lets all bloody hope that its gone!!

So tonight I will be cracking open some prosecco and drinking to a couple more months of doing normal stuff until my next scan!

K xx






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