It’s been a while since I’ve done an update so whilst i’m sat here on diazapam, pankillers and wine I thought I’d say hi!
First up was my wonderful cousins wedding and my two boys were pageboys. The day was fantastic and it was held where my husband and I had our wedding reception, at my grandparents back fields. It’s so lovely when the whole family get together for an event like this as we all have a ball when it happens.
I ticked another item off the fuck it list…..staying at a fancy hotel! This one I enjoyed very much doing. We went to London for the weekend for our 5th anniversary. When I had finished all my treatment the first time around we decided to renew our vows for our 5 year anniversary but when I got re-diagnosed we thought it was the sensible decision to postpone. A trip to the city and a stay in The Ritz was definitely a good compromise though!
We had such a lovely weekend together and it was so nice to have some time to spend as husband and wife. We ate good food, drank fab cocktails, went to see Motown the Musical and visited Madam Tussauds. It was great but bloody tiring!
I have also been enjoying the summer holidays with the boys. Its very hard keeping two energetic kids amused for 6 weeks whilst you are continually fighting fatigue. But we did good, we kept ourselves busy most of the time. The rest of the time was spent recovering from our days out by cuddling up watching films. To be honest, this is one of my favourite things to do with them 🙂
So now the holidays are over this means one thing……Jack starts school! Now this was quite an emotional time for me as I really thought that I wouldn’t be around to see his first day at school. I did very well and held back the tears, no idea how though! He absolutely loves it thankfully and makes me so happy. All I keep thinking about now is ‘I wonder if I will get to see Charlie start school in a couple of years’. Unfortunately this is how my brain works now and will do forever more.
Now as you can see it is now September, the month I had been dreading. As soon as the 1st of the month came around I instantly felt like shit. Today was the day, today was the day I got injected with a contrast dye and went in to the CT scanner and have my body and head scanned for traces of cancer spread. Strangely, my Timehop app told me that it was exactly a year ago that I was having my CT scan after my recurrence diagnosis. Today started off crap as the nurse struggled to get a cannula in my left arm, she prodded and poked for what seemed like a shitting eternity. I had to get her to stop before I poked her in the eye with the needle! Thankfully another nurse Steve came in and put it straight in my right arm first time…..phew! I could have kissed him!
The actual scan doesn’t bother me, its not claustrophobic and it doesn’t hurt. But it’s the whole ‘ go lie in that machine whilst we leave you alone to think about why you’re having this scan’ shit that makes it awful. As soon as the whirring start I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I was trying to keep still and trying to stop myself breaking down. This did not work when Steve came in to get me positioned for the head scan. Not gonna lie, I had a little break down. It’s shit scary knowing they are scanning your body for cancer but it’s terrifying thinking it could be in your brain. Now all I have to do now is wait until next week when I should be getting the results. Not sure how I’m going to be able to walk into the hospital and sit in the waiting room waiting for my fate to be told to me. Well I will have to and I will definitely be doing it with the help from my little friend ‘Diazapam’!
I also got some exciting news this week about an upcoming project that I’ve been invited to help with and all will be revealed in October! 🙂
So for now it’s time for me to keep busy and not think about those dreaded results!