These past couple of weeks have been surreal and do you know why?! It’s because it has almost felt like it used to, before all this Cancer crap came storming into our lives. I have had only one hospital appointment which was about ten minutes long discussing tidying up my most recent mastectomy scar as I hate how its been left. My surgeon said she will do it no problem and will try to match it to my other side which is a pretty good looking scar if I do say so myself! I have to wait until November but she will get it booked in. She did say she was hoping I was going to have reconstruction so she could get her scalpal out….nice. No thank you very much, I’m happy as I am even though you could ‘give me a nice tummy tuck at the same time’. I dont’t know how much time I have left and I certainly don’t want to spend a good few months recovering from a major operation which could go wrong. I’ll be sticking with being flat and fabulous ta.
So apart from that I have just been doing the usual mum things which has been lovely. I’ve hardly thought about cancer and actually had a few nights of good sleep which rarely happens. It has been very strange being ‘normal’ and sometimes I feel like I’m going to start worrying about not worrying about something…bloody ridiculous!!I’m hoping I can stop that nonsense and keep enjoying life for the next few weeks.
Then September will hit. Every time I hear the word September my stomach flips. The reason? I know my oncologist is organising a CT scan for me to check the bastard hasn’t starting going walkies somewhere. It makes me extremely anxious. One half of my head is preparing for bad news because thats just what we cancer people do and the other half of my head is thinking that it can’t be bad news because I have no symptoms. It’s like I have a game of tug of war going on inside my bloody head.
I’m going to try and forget about dreaded September and enjoy August.
Oh last time I said I was going to tick a fuck list item off….and that was getting a fringe!! I love it and love that its another thing ticked off 🙂
Next up on the list is staying at a fancy pants hotel…….The Ritz!!