Going mad

I’m just over halfway through my radiotherapy and I’m exhausted. It’s hard work having to be at the hospital every single day especially as it takes about 3 hours out of the middle of the day. I have to drop kids off at grandparents then drive 40 minutes to the hospital, they are normally running at least 10 minutes late (but sometimes an hour!)and I have to wait in the most depressing waiting room ever to be called in to be zapped. Then 40 mins back home to pick up the kids. Also pretty much everytime I drop my two year old off he cries and shouts for me….it’s heartbreaking.

I still have got 8 sessions of left and already my skin is red,itchy and sore. I’m slathering on as many products as I can to stop it but they don’t seem to be helping. At the moment looking in the mirror all I see is a mess that is my body.

Emotionally I am struggling too. Last weekend it all came out, all my anger, frustration and resentment just came flooding out of my mouth. Unfortunately my poor husband got all of it chucked his way……which also included a glass jewellery box….whoops! I went a bit psycho but it did feel good to let go of some of the anger I had built up over the last 18 months since my original diagnosis. I’m coming to the end of this treatment and that normally signals all sort of emotions and its sometimes the hardest part of it all, especially as most of the people around you assume you are now ok and and ‘better’.

A lot of my issues is due to being in pain a lot of the time, mainly due to  cording in my arms and chest. It’s from where I had my lymph nodes removed it causes a tightening through my chest area. Unfortunately I have had lymph nodes review from both arms so I get pain from both sides. All that I can do I keep up with my exercises and hope it gets better sharpish!

On a happier note…this weekend we are off to Butlins as a family for some fun and I cannot bloody wait!




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